Fuck Fuck Fuck

So, I fucked up.

At the rehearsal today, my friend brought a 12 pack of Dew...which, out of habit, I went for. Our Stage manager had these chips too. I meant to only have one, but they were damn good (they were organic and all delicious like all of those organic foods are) so I had about a serving (which is about 1/5 of the bag, which is 170 calories. Still, after the Dew, I wanted to go purge it. I should have. But I am light board operator and it is very difficult to sneak away from that job during a paid gig, especially when the stage manager doesn't want to take breaks because he wants to go home before nine pm.

When I got home, I felt gross already. I figured that maybe, maybe if I binged and purged, I'd feel better about it. So I binged on marshmallows and poptarts and some other crap and I managed to get most of that back up. I should have quit there, but I made the mistake of making mac and cheese. I ate the entire box. that's 1200 and some calories. that shit is really, really hard to purge. I got some of it up...maybe 100 calories worth... god I feel disgusting.

So not only did I break the no soda rule of the course, I broke the calorie rules of both the course as well as the boot camp.
And I feel disgusting.

I'll try again tomorrow, and I'll exercise harder.
another goal: doing that damn Spanish thing I should have done two weeks ago. I need to sit down and effing do that....