It's almost nine PM now. I've been up since about four. I haven't eaten anything since about three this morning so I've gone without food for about eighteen hours now. I'm starting to get a little hungry but it's not out of control.
This is my first fast. I wonder if jumping straight into a water fast was the best thing to do, especially for seven days. I might switch to a juice fast if this gets too hard. Still, I have to try to get through the week. That's my goal.
I told my friend, and of course she got all hyped up about it but she's not going to try and stop me. She did invite me to go to Noodles and Co. (apparently a whole bunch of people are going to go over there for dinner) before I told her. I found that kind of ironic. They're going to go ahead and eat and I'll meet them at my other friend's house. That house tends to be our big group location because it's the biggest house of all our friends. Big houses come with a lot of food, unfortunately. And the friend that lives there has an obsession with making brownies so those will show up, I'm sure. Yay for self control!
-Willow
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Water Fast Day 1 Part 1
I've decided to do a seven day water fast. It will be difficult because I don't plan on telling anyone about it. I might tell my best friend, because she supports me in everything I do, but if I tell my boyfriend, he'll get upset and try to convince me out of it. There's half a chance he might support my fast, but he definitely does not support my cutting or my ana.
Plus, he is having a party on new year's eve, where there will be much food and soda, possibly alcohol and a slim chance of various drugs. As we all know, pot gives people munchies.
At the moment, it's eight AM. I've been awake since five or so yesterday afternoon. My sleep schedule is extremely fucked up at the moment because it's winter break. I ate a few hours ago, and I'm sort of sad that a boca burger will be my last meal for a week. I love fruit, so I wish that was my last meal. I sound like someone on death row. That's not how I see this. I see this as another challenge.
Last school year, I was addicted to caffeine. I couldn't function if I didn't have a mountain dew before school, and one during first period. My friend managed to get me to give it up completely for a few months, on a promise of a giant gold star after a two years of not being addicted to the stuff. I did it. I struggled, but I did it. I'll struggle with this, but I'll do it.
I'll write how I'm doing again tonight, after I've slept some.
Plus, he is having a party on new year's eve, where there will be much food and soda, possibly alcohol and a slim chance of various drugs. As we all know, pot gives people munchies.
At the moment, it's eight AM. I've been awake since five or so yesterday afternoon. My sleep schedule is extremely fucked up at the moment because it's winter break. I ate a few hours ago, and I'm sort of sad that a boca burger will be my last meal for a week. I love fruit, so I wish that was my last meal. I sound like someone on death row. That's not how I see this. I see this as another challenge.
Last school year, I was addicted to caffeine. I couldn't function if I didn't have a mountain dew before school, and one during first period. My friend managed to get me to give it up completely for a few months, on a promise of a giant gold star after a two years of not being addicted to the stuff. I did it. I struggled, but I did it. I'll struggle with this, but I'll do it.
I'll write how I'm doing again tonight, after I've slept some.
Sunday, December 14, 2008
Hello all
So this is the start of my pro-ana blog. I've been fighting food for a very long time and most girls would say that I'm not fat, and shouldn't start this diet at the weight that I am now (130 lbs.). I'm lucky that I won't have to loose fifty or seventy pounds to feel good about myself. Loosing thirty pounds would be ideal, but I'm sure I'd be happy to just loose twenty or so.
I'm sure some girls are snorting, thinking, "Yeah give me three months and that weight would be gone and then some. Easy." Sure. You've also been there. I haven't. Not quite yet. I'm new at this, you have to remember that.
Mind you, I'm not new at starving myself for days at a time. I'm not a noob when it comes to the feeling of guilt when i eat something that has more than fifty calories.
My stats:
weight: 130 lbs.
BMI: 22.3
My goal: 108 lbs (BMI: 18.5 -lowest healthy BMI)
Funny, my goal is to loose 22 lbs. 22 is my lucky number.
Today, I don't plan on fasting. Honestly, I'm craving fruit and water and other foods. Those other foods include ramen, cereal, toast, and chocolate. I can't eat any of those, of course. But they're nice to think about. Oh, I'm also craving coke, but I can't have drink that because of caffeine, not the calories. I can't have caffeine until Thursday. I've gone without it for a little over four months (to break an addiction) and now I'll be able to drink it again! Yay!
Today, I plan to drink that eight glasses of water (as I should plan to drink every day), and eat a grapefruit and an apple. I might have some dry toast later tonight as a reward if I don't eat anything else.
Much love, Willow.
I'm sure some girls are snorting, thinking, "Yeah give me three months and that weight would be gone and then some. Easy." Sure. You've also been there. I haven't. Not quite yet. I'm new at this, you have to remember that.
Mind you, I'm not new at starving myself for days at a time. I'm not a noob when it comes to the feeling of guilt when i eat something that has more than fifty calories.
My stats:
weight: 130 lbs.
BMI: 22.3
My goal: 108 lbs (BMI: 18.5 -lowest healthy BMI)
Funny, my goal is to loose 22 lbs. 22 is my lucky number.
Today, I don't plan on fasting. Honestly, I'm craving fruit and water and other foods. Those other foods include ramen, cereal, toast, and chocolate. I can't eat any of those, of course. But they're nice to think about. Oh, I'm also craving coke, but I can't have drink that because of caffeine, not the calories. I can't have caffeine until Thursday. I've gone without it for a little over four months (to break an addiction) and now I'll be able to drink it again! Yay!
Today, I plan to drink that eight glasses of water (as I should plan to drink every day), and eat a grapefruit and an apple. I might have some dry toast later tonight as a reward if I don't eat anything else.
Much love, Willow.
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