When did this become an obligation?

I don't really want to write. I always talk about the same damn shit. It's the same thing over and over again. But I'll send an update anyway.

I've been binging every day. I restrict all day, do well at school, even when people offer me food. Then I come home and I stuff my face.

Tomorrow, my group in tech is filming a music video. I'm pretty excited for it, but I'm nervous. They say the camera always adds ten pounds. I'm fat enough! Another ten pounds will make me look like an obese whale.

My birthday's coming up. I want to be thin and dainty and pretty when i turn sixteen. not frumpy and bulgy and gross. I want to tell myself I will be at least down to 120 by then, but then I'd just let myself down and lie. I always lie.