750 - New Beginnings.

Yay for me. Even though my restriction rules for this week were 1500, I kept my calorie intake today to under 800 calories. I pulled this day of the week to keep it lower than my max.

Weight training was exciting. Painful maybe, but exciting. I'm almost positive I have asthma. We didn't do ab work today, but we ran. Thank god it was only one lap today. Running makes breathing extremely painful. Until the end of the class period, every time I took a breath, there were sharp pains in my chest. Fun, fun, fun. So now my legs hurt, because I don't run distances very often, and my pecs hurt from lifting. I managed to bench 20 lb. dumbbells today. ^-^

I've turned a new leaf in school. Over the last semester, I haven't been able to concentrate, I've had no motivation to go to school, I've had no motivation to do any of the work, I got relatively bad grades at semester. (C, C, C, A, A, B, B, A) This semester, even after the really shitty last week, I feel pretty happy. Maybe it's not even this semester. Maybe it's just this week that have made things look a little bit farther up. I did my biology homework tonight. I sat down and plowed through it all in about an hour. I'm proud of myself. It's only worth about five or ten points, but just the feeling that I got it done was worth every ounce of effort I put into it. I think the more effort I put into things, the happier I'll be. I hope I keep that mentality up.

I'm in therapy. I've been seeing my therapist since late November I think. She knows I cut, and I haven't cut in a very long time. We're working on that, especially. We're also working on my living situation at home. My father and I have had two "family therapy" sessions. The first one was hell. Today, we had another one that wasn't so bad. She wanted to keep it light so that it wasn't as bad as last week. There were chocolates in a little bowl by the door. I took two on the way out. Each one as forty two calories. I haven't eaten either of them. I'm proud of myself. I wonder how long I can last out with them taunting me.

My therapist doesn't know about my ED. She has absolutely no idea. Part of me wants to tell her, another part of me is excited that I still have a little secret.

Okay well I need to get to sleep here pretty soon. I took a four hour nap this afternoon but I'll still need a few more Z's before I get up to start a brand new day.