Things are looking up...or maybe horizontal.

Whatever the case is, it's an improvement from looking down.

It is the end of the month. The end of a terrible era as far as food is concerned.

The past two or three days I've been more conscious about what I'm eating, and I have become more realistic about my goals. I can't jump into this as easily as I had hoped. My mentality has transitioned from "you can't eat anything" to "you have to eat less and less until the time comes when you can tough it up and get through eating nothing."

Today, I kind of binged on granola bars, in a way. They're the kind that are temporarily addicting so you eat a ton in one sitting and then don't eat them for a long time. I had five little packages, so that's ten granola bars. Each package is 180 calories. Therefore, I've had nine hundred calories. It's already three PM so I think that's fairly okay. I've restricted to about 1500 for this week. I was thinking only 1000 at first but then I decided to take it very slow so that I feel good about reaching my goals so that when it's time, 300 calories a day will seem attainable.

At the moment, I weigh about 123 pounds. All month, I've been at about 130 or so, so yay for improvement. When I first made a goal chart to keep track of my progress, I had scheduled myself to be at about 115 today so I'll have to make a new one. I had charted things so I'd be at 100 pounds by spring break but now I'm thinking that it would be okay to be there by summer.

My boyfriend and I are on good terms. We're still okay friends except when I snap at him. But he's been making a little more of an effort to be less of an asshole. (He gets pretty dumb around his two best friends whom I tend to call "Bevis and Butthead" when nobody's listening.) But I'm healing and my mood has been a little better. It helps that I'm 100% off the pill now so I'm not getting mood swings when I miss one.

I've been going to school for the most part. Lately I've been pretty bad about finding excuses not to go. But I did go to a pretty strenuous weight lifting class on thursday. We did a really cool abs work out. When our teacher explained it to us, it seemed easy, but by our second set, we were already groaning. They were like bicycle crunches on slow mo. You put an elbow to the opposite knee for a 32 count, then switched, then did another 32 count, all the while lifting the other leg off the ground (32X2). Then you did 16 count, switch, 16, switch 16, switch, 16, rest(16X4). Continue with 8X8, 4X16, 2X32, 1X64. Then my friends and I really pushed ourselves with powercleans and squats. I'm still sore.

Tonight is our school's Sadie Hawkins dance. A few friends and I are skipping it to go bowling. That should be fun. ^-^ Especially because I have a crush on one of the girls that is going. (Oh yeah, surprise! I'm bisexual) Too bad she's straight. Oh well.

So I'm going to go make a new goal chart and some more thinspo pages. Much love! -Willow

P.S. sorry the last few posts have been so long.