I’ve been pigging out all day today (14th), all day yesterday(13th), and all day the day before(12th). I’ve been eating non-stop. Binging. I wish I could purge in some other way than throwing up. I hate, hate, hate vomiting. So I can’t purge. I have to keep it all inside me, filling up my fat cells. Sugar, helping cellulite cling to my ass and thighs. So ugly.
I was just going to fast for the one day after I binged, but I broke again yesterday and then again today. So instead, I will fast for three days. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday I will go without food. Friday, my friend and I are going to the Rec. Center to work out (it's an all-out recreation center. It has a pool, steam room, sauna, basketball/volleyball courts, climbing wall, and a gym. Our city kind of sucks so everything is a little small but it all works.). I might have some celery that day so I don’t pass out. Saturday, I will eat absolutely nothing. Sunday, I will have some fruit at midnight, or if I go to bed earlier, just before I go to bed. I’ll have some celery or other vegetable at eight or so, or whenever I wake up. At noon, I’ll eat a soy yogurt. At three, I’ll eat something else with substance because the same friend and I are going to drink that night. I’ll try not to eat anything while I’m drunk, because if I do my body will store it as fat but I can’t promise anything because obviously, I’ll be drunk. Monday, I’ll try to eat nothing but if I do, it’ll be vegetables or yogurt.
I must be strong. I have to do this, for myself. You must not break. I’ll repeat. YOU. MUST. NOT. BREAK. You must keep control. You can’t give up just because your tummy gets a little whiny. Don’t be a slave to food.
Today, I made my first thinspiration page. I did that instead of going to bed. It was Keira Knightly in her famous flat-stomach showing white, half tube-top shirt and sexy low-cut jeans. My friends always said I look like her. They haven’t said it in a while. Maybe it’s because I’ve gained weight and she’s lost it and we no-longer look alike. I'll try to scan it and put it up here later this week so you can all see my amazing generic and lame art work!
Sweet. It indented. Yay for importing from Microsoft Word and deleting all the extra bullshit it doesn't like from the HTML. I guess I'm getting used to this whole formatting thing. I correctly guessed on the HTML for the strike through which was pretty awesome. ^-^ Go me. (But apparently, comments don't like fonts....Learn something new every day, I guess.)
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