one month later...

It's been too long, and I'm sorry for that. (I actually have followers now, thanks guys. <3)

Over the past month I've been somewhere between eating normally and binging every day. I've been purging more often than usual as well. Honestly, I'm sick of it. I want to be thin. I want to be pretty,and at the moment, I'm frumpy and fat.

I have about a month before school starts again, and although I'm sort of looking forward to it, I feel like my summer has flown by too fast and I've wasted too much of it by just sitting around on the computer 24 hours a day. I haven't really done anything. I did go to one party, on the fourth of july.

My sister and her roommate (Andrew. He's gay, and they've been friends since they were in middle school so I know him pretty well. I guess you could call us friends...on some strange level) came and picked me up on the fourth and we went to her most recent boytoy's party. Boytoy and Andrew work for the same bank, so it was a bunch of their friends from work. I didn't eat that day, of all days, and drank waaay too much. I ended up passing out during the fire works. i don't remember them at all. I do remember people trying to get me up, and me vomiting all over my arm. that was pleasant. I spent the night at their apartment and I don't know how long i was in the shower, but it was long enough for the water to go cold. How that's possible in an apartment building, I couldn't tell you. I threw up the next day when I tried to eat crackers. Mostly bile but my stomach still didn't want to deal with food or anything. I was nauseous until three days later. That sucked.

At the moment, I am the highest weight I've ever been. (Well, i was a few days ago, anyway.) I actually got up to 138 once. I was wearing clothes but even without them, I'd still be over 135. At the moment, I am 132. I want to be hot when I go back to school. To me, hot means under 115. I think I can get at least down to 115 by August 19. I'm starting ABC again today, hopefully this time, I'll make it.